to my convert sisters…

…don’t tie your religious identity to your husband.  We often marry soon after converting, or convert after marrying a muslim man, but even if we delay marriage for a few years, we may not have fully developed our religious identity yet.

Don’t put your hope in a man, or in any human being.  Put your faith in Allah (swt).  If you rely completely on Him, it won’t matter if a mere mortal fails you. 

Ibn Abbas (ra) narrated that:

I was (once) behind the Messenger of Allah (saws) when he said to me, “Boy, I teach you (a few) words: Remember Allah, and He will protect you. Remember Allah (observing His commands and avoiding His prohibitions), and you will find Him close to you. When you have to ask for something, ask of Allah. When you seek help, seek Allah’s help. Believe firmly that if all the creation desires to benefit you in anything, they can never benefit you, but that which Allah has decreed for you. If they all unite to harm you, they will not be able to harm you in anything, but that which Allah has decreed for you.” (At-Tirmidhi)

So check yourself.  If your husband doesn’t live up to the standard set by our beloved Prophet (saws), will you run screaming from the deen?  If your whole world comes crashing down around you, will you maintain your faith?  If everything you have today is gone tomorrow, will you still rely on your Lord?

Don’t do anything to please a man.  Don’t put on hijab for him.  Don’t pray for him.  Don’t learn Arabic for him.  If you do anything, do it for Allah (swt).  A man may leave, but Allah (swt) won’t.

Develop your deen on your own terms.  Sure, if your husband is knowledgeable, ask for some guidance.  But don’t take your religion blindly from him.  Seek out a wide variety of scholars and opinions.  Find the a few that you can learn from, even if your man isn’t there anymore. 

Everything you do, check your intentions.  If you’re not doing it for Allah (swt), stop and rectify yourself.  Because a husband may not be forever, but Allah (swt) is.

On the authority of Abu Harayrah (ra), who said that the Prophet (saws) said: Allah the Almighty said:

I am as My servant thinks I am.  I am with him when he makes mention of Me.  If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it.  And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length.  And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed. (Bukhari, Muslim, Tirhmidhi, Ibn-Majah, Imam Nawawi’s 40 hadith qudsi) 

Run to Allah (swt) dear sisters.  Run!

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3 thoughts on “to my convert sisters…

  1. I don’t think any marriage based on the principles you mentioned above will work well. This type of attitude (in either spouse) is a recipe for failure.

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