dear FBI

In light of the fact that it seems to be the trend to put tracking devices in the cars of muslim americans, here is a list of places we have driven in the last few weeks and anticipate driving in the next month or so, to save you the cost of having to put one in our car (which is, btw, the 2000 maroon ford taurus that was just in for a new alternator this last weekend.  My mechanic didn’t find a tracker in there, which I’m sure just means ya’ll are swamped and will get around to us eventually):

  • My cat shelter
  • the dentist
  • Midas
  • Menards
  • Rainbow and Cub Foods
  • Holy Land MENA grocers
  • the gas station
  • Super Target
  • Petsmart
  • Petco
  • Home Goods
  • possibly the zoo, if we can get a library pass
  • Minnesota Dawah Center
  • Central Wisconsin and Madison

We will also be driving in what seems to be random patterns – meandering through neighborhoods, making haphazard right and left turns without any apparent reason, and driving into and out of parking spaces for hours on end.  Do not be alarmed, AbuS is merely learning how to drive.

You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

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